Ways & How

how to break up with someone

how to break up with someone

The song goes, “Breaking Up is hard to do,” and indeed, it is. Giving up a relationship with someone is so difficult because it’s almost like losing a limb, a part of your heart, a significant part of your life. Unfortunately, not all relationships end up happily ever after. Those who fall into this category will need, at one time or another, to find out how to break up with someone. Here’s how:

  1. Be considerate. Depending on the state of the relationship prior to the breakup, you can somehow predict how your partner will react. Knowing this, be considerate in choosing the right place and time to break up. Don’t do it around the holidays and special occasions. Don’t be particularly sweet to your partner during a holiday only to break up with him or her a month or two after. Try to avoid situations where your partner will recall the breakup every time a special day comes around.

    Also, find a private place where you can talk quietly for as long as you need, and your partner can be emotional without making a scene.

    to a restaurant to keep your partner from going hysterical while banking on being in a public place will deter him or her from a meltdown might boomerang – big time – on you. As much as possible, don’t do it over the phone unless you’re geographically distant.

  2. Be kind. Choose your words carefully. Plan ahead what you’re going to say, and go over it again and again to make sure there is nothing accusing, offending, condescending, or anything that your partner may pick up on, attack you with, or be hurt with unnecessarily. Keep your tone and manner neutral. Allow your partner time to process the news and to react, but don’t be waylaid from your original intent.

  3. Be generous. Try to be generous as much as you reasonably can. Whether your partner has been at fault or not, be decent about dividing property and any mutual wealth or possessions accumulated. If you want to break up because you have found someone else, you owe it to your partner to help enable him or her to start a new life. You may call it Divine justice or karma. It’s real. You can count on the fact that what you sow, you will reap. So while you can, sow good seed.

  4. Be quick. This doesn’t mean cutting off everything abruptly. But don’t let the breakup drag on for months on end in a vicious on-again, off-again cycle. That is counter-productive to both your sanity and mutual ability to move on. Once you have broken up with your partner, keep any contact to the very necessary minimum, if none at all. If you think you can maintain the relationship on a friendly level, that’s well and good. But if your partner goes berserk at the mere mention of your name, then stop all contact, period. Unless there are children involved, a breakup is a breakup. You can’t continue to enjoy the privileges while shirking the responsibilities. If you, on the other hand, are the one who feels like shooting your partner on sight in spite of initiating the breakup, then at the very least, stay away or be civil.

  5. Be strong.  A breakup will hurt. There’s no going around that. Even if you’re the one who did it, you’re still going to hurt. Even after you or your partner has found someone new, memories will linger and may hit you at odd times. It’s part of the process. Just go with the flow because eventually your heart’s inner fortitude will catch on, and you will not only get through it but you will survive and you will thrive.

And that’s how to break up with someone and get through it completely unscade.


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