Ways & How

how to get over a break up

how to get over a break up

A breakup is one of the hardest things that can happen to a person.  It ranks right up there with bereavement, loss of a job, a calamity, bankruptcy. Although we all go through a break up at one time or another, it never gets easier or less painful. No matter how many breakups you go through, it always hurts, and you never get accustomed or hardened to the pain. No matter if you’re breaking up with your first love as a teen, or going through a horrible divorce, learning how to get over a break up is one lesson we could all use. If you find yourself in this situation, the following may help.

  1. Feel the pain. Don’t deny it, bottle it up, or drown it. A breakup is painful; to hurt is a normal and human reaction. Process the pain so you can heal faster. If you must cry, wallow, and shut the world out for a while, do so. Give yourself permission to grieve. On the other hand, don’t lose sight of the goal of the grieving process: to get over the relationship. After you’ve cried it out, get up and move on.

  2. Focus on yourself.



    ong> Be kind to yourself through the ordeal. Think of it this way: if your child was going through a breakup and is hurting as much as you, would you blame, accuse and condemn? Wouldn’t you instead want to cheer your child up, do something for him or take her somewhere to get his or her mind off the heartbreak? Parent yourself, be your own best friend. Go do something good and kind and tender for yourself. You deserve to be loved – by you, most of all.

  3. Face the situation thoughtfully, but not obsessively. If you are inclined to over-think what you did wrong, stop it. Think about what you did right instead of focusing on your mistakes. Learn to let go of what has gone on before so you will be ready to face what comes next. The more healed you are, the more confident and hopeful of the future, the more healthy physically and spiritually, the more balanced your life is, the better your prospect of finding someone who will appreciate you for who you are. And even if it takes a long time, just the simple process of learning and growing will better equip you to live a fuller, happier life.

  4. Fulfill your dreams. No matter how great the relationship is, it entails compromises that sometimes keep us from reaching our full potential. Or sometimes, it keeps us from accomplishing little things that make our life a bit fuller, more meaningful. Well, now’s your time to catch up on those dreams, projects, trips, hobbies, classes, etc. that you’ve wanted to try but couldn’t. Being single gives you a lot of free time that you need to fill up. This will distract you from obsessing, keep you busy, and enable you to circulate, meet new people, and socialize. Plus it will be uplifting to do something productive with your time.

  5. Flourish. Don’t let resentment and bitterness get the better of you. It will take some time before the pain lessens to an occasional twinge, but you will eventually get there. In the meantime, move forward step by step, grow little by little, live day by day. Be patient and gentle with yourself. Continue to grow into a better person.

A breakup is not the end of the world. It will forever change you, but with a forgiving heart and a hopeful attitude, you will be the better for it. As you learn how to get over a break up, you will not only survive; you will thrive.

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