Ways & How

How to Win Back Your Ex

How to Win Back Your Ex

When a relationship goes bust but you want your ex back, what do you do? People would jump right in with advice on how to win back your ex, but you need to consider your decision carefully. Sure, when you lose someone you love it can feel like the end of the world. You long for the time when you were together, and you convince yourself that without him, your life will just not be as happy. You want to rush to make your ex see how much she means to you, how much you love her, and how much you are meant to be together – in the hope that she will be convinced to get back with you. But before you do that, you need to examine the dynamics of the relationship. Was it really as good as you thought it was? Were you and your ex becoming better, more mature, more responsible persons by being together? Were you helping each other to grow? Or is your reluctance to let go merely a reflection of your fear of not finding another partner? Have you become so comfortable with the routine of the relationship that you are scared of trying the unknown? Most of all, are you sure you are willing to do and make the sacrifices and changes necessary to get another chance? If you examined yourself honestly on all these points and are still determined to pursue the relationship, then here is what you should do.



  1. Capitalize on inside information but don’t overdo it. If you love your ex as much as you think you do, then you should know whether falling apart or moving on will tug at his or her heartstrings most. If you know that he feels your world would end without him and that doing so would only make him think you’re pathetic, then prove him wrong. Be phenomenal and turn his head your way. On the other hand, if she thinks you’ve been neglectful and uncaring, then acting like nothing happened will only reinforce that belief. Show your remorse, but don’t make a big drama of it. That’ll only make her think you’re putting on a show.

  2. At the same time, keep your dignity. Don’t demean or make a doormat of yourself. Do what you think will get his attention, but tone it down. Be subtle about it. You want to pique his interest, not make a spectacle of yourself only to end up looking desperate, unappealing, and definitely worth ditching.

  3. Focus at getting yourself together. This may seem counter-productive, but focusing on yourself, instead of obsessing about your ex, will make you more attractive over the short-term. You need to shape up, improve yourself, get your attractiveness level up a notch. You have to learn what went wrong before so that you don’t repeat the same mistakes again. You have also probably hurt your ex; you need to know how and why, and be aware of the consequences of your actions. Your ex has already had her time with you. In order to catch her attention back, you need to dazzle the second time around. You know how salespeople say it’s easier to get a new customer than to win back a dissatisfied one? It’s true for relationships, too. To convince someone to get back with you, you need to prove that you have overcome the mistakes that doomed your relationship in the past, and that you are now a better version of your past self.

  4. Continue to be friendly to your ex, but don’t try to seduce him back. Keep an emotional distance, at least for a while. If your ex broke up or agreed to break up with you, apparently he has some issues, too. He also needs to realize how empty his life is without you. You need to give him time to learn that lesson. Otherwise he will not learn to value your meaning to his life. In your encounters, be positive, upbeat, and fun. Your ex will recall what attracted him to you in the first place and this may cause him to question his decision to break up with you.

  5. As you continue to move on with your life, there’s a very big possibility that your ex will realize how big a loss you are to her. If he seems open, then it’s time to win him back. Casually drop an invitation to coffee, or an activity or event that you used to enjoy together. Do something for her that you used to fight over – without being asked (and be sure that you’re ready to make a habit of it). Show renewed interest in his favorite sports, a pet, or something that you used not to be very supportive of (and be sure it’s an interest you can commit to support).

These steps may not guarantee a complete change of heart on your ex’s part. But being dignified, focused on yourself, friendly, and forward-moving, may just be the answers you need for how to win back your ex.

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